Every Girl’s Crazy ‘Bout A Sharp-Dressed Otter

When I read the NaPoWriMo prompt today, I thought I’d had it – otters haven’t much use for flowers. Can’t eat them, can’t play with them, can’t slide down them. But I hadn’t factored in the glory of random googling. “Otter flower” brought me a link to this delightful young man, The Modern Otter, a fashion blogger who has had some things to say about floral prints over the past couple of years, oh yes. He proved most inspirational.


The Modern Otter

The modern otter is not afraid of florals.

The modern otter has thrown away his plaid.

An avid consumer of articles sartorial,

He is nine parts hipster to one part lad.


The modern otter tries some unexpected chinos,

Balancing the flower print with simple chambray.

He dreams of days in Paris sipping stylish cappuccinos.

The modern otter wants to stroll along the Seine.


Transitioning to spring wear in optimistic camel,

Paired with indigo, or black, or dusty blues,

He folds a turn-up into his nether apparel.

Naked ankles shiver over waterproof dress shoes.


The modern otter favours crisply pointed collars,

Wants you to notice, but he’s too safe to be seen.

The modern otter is afraid of too much colour,

Though occasionally he’ll venture out in something hunter green.



So here’s the thing – when I’m stuck on a poem it stresses me. If I give it a rest, I stress about not writing. Then my head explodes, I get a cold and my eczema burns my entire body to a Frazzle (the bacon-flavoured corn snack we all love and miss). However, I just found Verbatim Found Poetry blogspot, and now in just a scant half hour I have ‘written’ and submitted three poems, and can relax…

Here’s what treasures lie nestled within any self-respecting pretentious, superficial style magazine’s pages…

Wardrobe Mistress

My mother is ninety and likes

To wear a nice dress.

But she is tiny.


Size ten, and only five feet tall, she likes

Colour, nothing too clingy.

And needs a collar.


She would also like some nonslip

Ankle boots that are

Size four and a half.


Please help.


Nobody seems to cater for

Small, slim people of a certain age

Who are not terrifically flexible.


Do not want low necklines.

Do not like black and beige.


The Problem With Red

How do you wear yours?

I’m talking about red.

On a dress?


On a coat?


Any other way?


Than on your lips?

Maybe not.


I don’t know many women

Who wear red.

Despite Valentino’s best

And beautiful intentions as a blonde,

I’ve always found it brassy.

It’ s a colour that says


When you don’t always want



I’m getting my head around red.

By wearing it with things

I do like.

Silver shoes,

A berry knit,



I’d enjoy on any day of the week.


Invisibility Cloak

Beau Brummell said

If people turn to look at you on the street,

You are not well-dressed.


And that’s my philosophy too.


We live in a postmodern,

A dangerous world.


As William Burroughs noted

The secret of invisibility

Is seeing another before he sees you.